Tuesday, December 20, 2011

When all I ever wanted was disregarded.

I am not mad or disappointed. I am neither frustrated nor tormenting. Rather I am scared. I have seen myself in that situation for so long, I dreamt of it. And seeing the view starting to fade makes me frighten. I want to be there, always. But the picture is starting to lose its color now.

For the past couple of months that is what I have always been asking; praying for guidance, hoping for a miracle.  I don’t believe in signs because I was once told that we should be mature enough to make a decision based on our judgment. And I don’t want to quit because that what makes my whole desire.  But after losing the chance to get there I don’t know where I will stand. Do I still need to continue chasing what I am after or nurture that one that is in my hand?

I know, not getting what you want doesn't give you a license to practice malevolence. Not having an answered prayer doesn't justify you for not believing.  But right now I just feel numbness. It’s like the spirit is still willing to fight but the flesh has weakened to attack. And I am just praying for enlightenment. I am praying for knowledge to be certain on things that I should be looking at. I just want answers.  Because honestly, I really want to go on.. I want to be there.. but with God's blessing.

Friday, December 16, 2011

I am FREED.


In the past few days it’s you who I always think about. I may not be certain on things that are happening to us nor being consistent in everything that I say but I know this feeling makes me feel gratified. And I am scared. I am frightened by my own feeling caused by you. And I have to take my step to be able. That’s why I am unrestricting..
And I am freeing myself.

I am freeing myself from anxiety whenever I think that I am being vulnerable saying things to you.
I am freeing myself from fear that you might do evil things that cause me to agonize again.
I am freeing myself from missing you every night without knowing why.
I am freeing myself into that infinity that makes me fleet to nowhere.
And above all I am freeing myself into this vagueness that makes me cautious to contentment.

Right now I don’t care if you do something wicked to this note.
I don’t care if you see me or by others slut upon saying what I am feeling.
I don’t care if you see us not workable because of you having a responsibility and me not wanting. I don’t care what will happen next upon telling this. It just doesn’t matter to me.

I simply want to be in serenity. I just want to sleep without hoping that I am there saying my goodnight to you. To wake up every single day without looking for my phone waiting and expecting for your text and miscalls. I just want to have my days knowing exactly what I have.

I know it’s stupid to build trust again to the person who once put mud on your face. Or to take risk upon saying things that once caused you to be terrified.  It’s absurdity to believe on mere feelings; to go even there’s a red light. But I only want to be free.

I don’t know if one day I am going to despise myself for saying all of these, for digging my own hole, for putting myself in embarrassment. But I couldn’t care less. I just want to take that step in front of me leading me to a place that I am uncertain at.

I may not be sure on the kind of feeling I am having right now, but I know this one is different from the former which made me senseless.  I just feel at ease though we’re on the midst of nowhere, I feel valued though it’s unclear. And I am confessing that once again you have conquered me.


Sincerely;
The-one-who-wants-to-see-you-personally-to-say-that-you-have-a-beautiful-hands :D

Monday, November 7, 2011

Ok. So here I am telling why.



A lot of friends unceasingly asking me why not try to commit myself in a serious relationship. I know I often answered them that I am still not ready for any kind. But to be honest I just don’t see any man who’s worthy for the time.

I may not believe on having a prince charming, nor love at first sight, even in destiny. I don’t believe in signs, I don’t believe in soul mates.  But I am not an antagonist of love. I just know how to be cautious.

I know I am wicked. I am sensitive. I am dominant. I don’t try to look so soft for a guy to like me. I curse, I yell. I don’t try to look someone who is so fine to be like. Because I want a guy who will see how unfathomable I am yet understands me. I want a guy who takes time to listen to my dramas. I want a guy who will make me feel there’s nothing wrong being a weirdo.

Indeed I do like people at times. But at the end of the day I know I want someone who  doesn't just give time to express himself but also have time to ask how I am. Why am I like this? I want a guy who is interested for who I am and for who I am not. I am not looking for a perfect one, just one who will make me see things that I am blinded of.

I want to waste my time to a guy who complain and rectify and understand and accept and remain. Because the truth is, I illuminate to those people I know who appreciates me. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Things to do before I die.

Ok. Since the pad that I bought for these letters is missing, I’ll just transfer it all here first.

This is not the complete roll, I know, somewhere, somehow my list might swell because of the stuffs that I will be wanting. But for now let me share some of them here.

Scribbled down randomly:
  1. See Korea’s autumn.
  2. Try a gondola ride in Venice.
  3. Run a marathon.
  4. Visit Camsur’s finest beach.
  5. Visit Ilocos Norte. (har! first target i think!)
  6. Have a house with a library and a music room.
  7. Buy a new electronic keyboard or a piano.
  8. Enroll to a piano class. AGAIN.
  9. Have Tom’s (the shoes!)
  10. See a nebula in real life. :D
  11. See a galaxy in real life. :D
  12. Lie down on a smooth grass watching the clouds while the gust of wind embraces me. (I've done this when I was in 7, wanna experience the serenity again.)
  13. Visit GSA on a Saturday afternoon during a summer.
  14. Take pictures of nature from a good camera. :D
  15. Watch sunset in peace.
  16. Witness sunrise in peace.
  17. Jog on a seashore.
  18. Tell my story to a stranger.
  19. To have a guy who will make beautiful girls jealous because of me.
  20. Visit the Grand Canyon.
  21. Have a shower on a waterfall.
  22. Visit a big city.
  23. Be proudly in love!
  24. Get really drunk. 
  25. Experience marine life up close.
  26. Spend the whole day shopping and pampering myself. 
  27. Learn to speak a foreign language. (aside from English)
  28. Plant a tree.
  29. Fall deeply in love -- helplessly.
  30. Ask someone on a date.
  31. Sleep under the stars.
  32. Find a job I love.
  33. Go up in a hot-air balloon.
  34. Climb a mountain.
  35. Give a heartfelt surprise to someone.
  36. See snow.
  37. Live through four seasons of the year.
  38. See an eclipse.
  39. Race via car.
  40. Play via paintball.



    Sunday, August 21, 2011

    Reflective.


    Sana ang nararamdaman mo'y tulad ng tibok ng puso ko.
    Sana'y nakikita mo ako tulad ng pagtingin ko sa'yo.
    Sana'y isang araw magtagpo naman tayo.
    Sana.. Sana..

    Ngunit sadyang hindi lahat ng mithiin ay para sayo,
    Katulad na lamang ang ibang takbo ng mundo sa ninanais ko,
    Sapagkat ang sana ko ay balewala ng lahat ngayon,
    Dahil ang sana ko ay tadhana na nya ngayon.

    (According to a mood scanner I am on a 'deep thought' mode right now, and while busy dawdling with my food, these words suddenly popped out, maybe this is a product of what has been detected. :p ) 

    Wednesday, August 17, 2011

    Stepping out from Negativity.



    I told you things I troubled at; you nod in everything I said.
    I asked where you think I went wrong. You said you don’t get the idea; it’s me who should discern.
    And I think you've made your point in there, so goodnight. Goodbye.

    I told you that I missed you. Said things I think you should know.
    Trying to figure if truth’s adhere, you asked me why and how do I ensure.
    By that I learned that I need to be cautious becoming upright, so goodnight. Goodbye.

    I spend time unwisely, giving my half of it to get pace with you.
    But you didn’t see it’s worth, shadowing the value of it in full view
    And needing to stop my absurdity running in smoke, so goodnight. Goodbye.

    You told me I agonize a lot; always pushing things that should be not
    Telling me that lie is in my skin, you didn’t believe in half of what I scream.
    But thinking maybe you see someone else in me, so goodnight. Goodbye.

    I saw you standing in front of me, upon reaching out for you I stumbled in tricks.
    I look at you staring at me, asking what I am doing,
    I suddenly realized that I was muddled in mere motion, so goodnight. Goodbye.


    Wednesday, July 27, 2011

    Odd talk. Strange truth.


    Words have been told a hundred times but I acted deaf.
    Departing has been carrying me out but I didn’t sway.
    I buried myself hoping that one day he will follow
    To save the broken wings that he once disposed of.

    He was here. And he said hi.
    He came again. And he said goodbye.
    I wanted to come close, but he invented shadows to swing with us,
    He created walls to bemuse the cycling romance.

    Now I am waiting for him to heel me
    And he just watches while I am bleeding.
    Asking if we’re on a battle for disinterest
    But he run fast full armored with silence. 

    Tuesday, July 26, 2011

    ‘Cause I miss a guy named Hizuka.


    Second Year College, when I first saw him. He was like an apple of the eye of our section, because he was a newbie then, a fair guy with a Chinese eye. Group was based on surname, and we're on it, on the same group. I am Rosales, he’s Tan. He was silent type, and I was alienated. But because much of our group mates belonged on a same “gang” we always stuck together for a task.

    I know we were close then, he was closer to me than any of my block mates. Maybe because I was something far from a commoner. I mean like I was the one filled with guts to bother him.

    Honestly he doesn’t’ know about this, cause the time that we got chummy, I wasn’t able to say serious things to him. But he is one of the guys that I really consider a friend. Though most of our classmates teased us, we know we were nothing but great buddies. And that’s what I really liked about him. I was so dependent on his companion but he didn't misunderstood it. I always wanted to talk to him, cause with him things are nothing but laughter and information. He taught me things that I don’t know, he fed me new info that he’s aware of. He teases me on my spelling whenever he borrows my note because he needs to cram for an exam. Gee.. I miss him. I miss my sophomore year. With him, I am being myself without thinking that someone might misread it all. We banter each other until one will stop to get even. We used to play fighting. We hurt each other physically; break each other’s arms and thumbs just playing. We use to talk about anything. Why he was always late, why he was so lazy coming to school. Anything. And really..

    I miss him asking me to stay when I want to leave cause of hunger.
    I miss him giving his skyflakes whenever I complain that my stomach’s growling.
    I miss fighting for a fudgee bar (because that’s better than skyflakes.)
    I miss having a soldier fight using slotted spoon and wire whisk.
    I miss staying at the corridor talking what “rhea” in diarrhea, “itis”, in meningitis “emia” in meningococcemia mean.
    I miss waiting for him in the class because he was always late.
    I miss talking to him while stirring egg whites and got scolded by our group mates because we had over beaten it.
    I miss staying at the lagoon asking him to show me some karate-do moves.
    I miss listening to him when he talks about his opinion about others.
    I miss saying my philosophy trying to prove that I’m better than him.

    I know we didn’t have a good parting when end of the semester came, and I know we can’t go back to the place where I am missing him a lot. But still I am happy that once in a while we can still annoy each other. That he is still there ready to take his attacks. He might not aware of it, but I still value him as a friend. :))
    (Sad that we don’t have pictures, he always does stolen shot, but I deleted it all.)



    Friday, July 22, 2011

    Padaan.


    Hi! Para ko tanga sa pag-iisip kung anu ba ang ilalagay ko sa blog ko ngayon, pero wala naman ako maisip maliban sayo. Nakakatawa, isipin ko pa lang na makikita ulit kita, kinakabahan na ko. Pero sa bandang huli napapiling na lang ako dahil alam ko na malabo na mangyari yun.

    Sabi ng kaibigan ko madalas daw ako magblog na kawirduhan, so ngayon kung ano naiisip ko yun ang ita-type ko. Ayoko na maglabas ng ideas sa kanila dahil pakiramdam ko paulit ulit na lang kami. Ako na magtatanong kung bakit ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko, sila na magsasabi na tumigil na ko pagdating sayo. Sasabihin ko na titigil na ko, per at the end of the day yung “why do I need to?” philosophy ko umiepal na naman. Ganun naman talaga, madali sabihn ang hirap hirap gawin.

    Pero this time totoo na ata to. Bibitiw na ko sa kung ano mang meron pag-asa na nararamdaman ako para sayo. Mabigat lang talaga sa pakiramdam, na habang lumilipas ang oras palayo ako ng palayo sayo saka naman lagi lumalabas yung  tanong na kung makakabalik pa ko sa dati na di ko naman alam ang sagot. Pero naisip ko lang ngayon, ano bang dapat ko panghinayangan? Ang weird. You’ve just been a habit. Pero kung sa bagay every addiction naman naguumpisa sa habit di ba.

    Sa totoo lang malayong malayo ka sa iba, kasi sila nakikinig sa lahat ng kwento ko, interesado sa lahat ng sasabihin ko, pero ikaw nr lagi. Wa pakels. Pero lumalapit pa din ako sayo para makwento.  Naisip ko tuloy bigla kung anu ang mahirap sakin para layuan ka. Muka tuloy ako kawawa. Wala ba ko friends kaya sayo ko sumisiksik?? Haha.. Mag-iisip na lang ako ng negatibo para madivert yung lungkot sa “so what?”.

    Pagkatapos ko sayo panigurado ang hollow na naman.Naramdaman mo na ba yun? Yung sayo lang umiikot yung buhay mo. Yung ikaw lang ang inaalala mo. Tulog-kain-work. Siguro kung me isang part ng buhay ko na wala ako pinoproblema maliban sa school e yung time na ang boring ako. Wala ko iniisip, di ako nasasaktan, di ako nalulungkot. Boring in short. I was living in a series of monotony. Pero at least safe. Yung tipong gigising ako na nasa ilalalim ng kama yung cp ko, na maiiwan ko sya pagpunta ko ng school, na 3 days sya patay kasi nakalimutan ko i-charge. Wala ako iniisip kung me nadedma ba ko.. pero kasabay kasi nun nagiging walang kwentang tao din ako. Kaya siguro natuwa din yung mga kaibigan ko na kahit panu nakaramdam ako ng ganito. At least me pakilam pa ko at least nangengelam na ko sa nangyayari sa paligid ko. Pero exhausting pala to. Unhealthy. Kaya siguro ang taba ko nung mga panahon na dummy stick ako. Dummy stick ako nun pero wala ko pakelam, pero ngayon bakit big deal ang lahat. Kaya ayoko ng attachment e. Har..

    Anyway babay. Wala lang ako magawa napadaan lang J

    Thursday, July 7, 2011

    Before and After.

    Before 2008

    After I graduated from my BS degree I’ll enter med school and will be a successful physician.  I’m going to work in a hospital as one of the most hardworking doctors in the institution I’m in. I’ll earn money more than I spend. I’m going to help my financially challenge relatives. I’m going to enroll Rapha at music school and provide his finances in the University he will choose to go. He’s also going to be a doctor. That’s our dream.  I’m going to travel and take all the pictures of the sceneries that seized my eyes. I’m going to buy all the novels I like and put it in the library of the house I dreamt of. The dream house. I’m going to attend church every Sunday and give back to God the blessing He extended to me.  I’m going to be happy, successful and strong.

    After 2008

    3 years had passed and I’m still trying to be somebody.  Killing my self reading and reading book chapters and several articles for me not to get behind on every discussion we will be conducting now and then. Yes I’m still a student. But not in med school. Taking Masters I guess is one of the edges a young professional could have to get ahead on his field. And I guess that’s the reason why I enrolled.

    I don’t have time to buy novels. But I have tons of book chapters that must read.
    I don’t have money to travel, but I have lots of picture where I seized my childhood.
    I wasn’t able to enroll Rapha in a music school but I’m working to confer our fees and gears at taekwondo.
    I’m not graduating this year in med school but I’m trying to get my first step to be in next year.

    Did I dream too much? You may call me a dreamer, but didn’t you have illusions too? Or don’t you still? Am I happy? After 3 years of working into nothing, wanting something that I’m not bearing, having something that I don’t want, gaining knowledge from something that I didn’t expect to bump in, being stronger to get on track. Why wouldn’t i?

    I may be envy with my friends a lot of times. But Rapha told me once “hindi naman sila nagma-masteral di ba?” Sometimes option on leaving school and start looking for a full time job occurred to me, but whenever I think of that, I know that’s not me. It’s not the way I think. I don’t stop because of jealousy, I don’t quit because of short-time desires.

    We dream and we hope. We work and we pray.  But some things delivered by a behindhand courier. So we dream and we hope again and then we stop trusting and start accepting what is being offered by the current.  Yep, this happened to me, but my dreaming unit just hide for wanting, not died.  You may call me unpractical. But Im not in a hurry. Who’s anyway?

    You may call me a nobody, I know I’m still. But I know the finest suture is the one been worked in time. And God’s working on me. We are working on it.

    Sunday, April 17, 2011

    Isang sulyap pa..


    Ang sakit sa tenga ng tunog ng cellphone ko. Pero wala naman ako magawa, sa ganitong tunog lang ako nagigising. Minsan nga iniisip ko kung saan ba talaga ako nagigising, sa gulat sa biglaang vibrate ng cellphone ko o sa matinis na tunog nito. 9am na, pero inaantok pa din ako, tinatamad pa din ako tumayo para mag-ayos. Magbe-breakfast ba ko o diretso na sa pagligo, pero pagtingin ko sa relo 9:15am na. Napabalikwas na ko ng bangon, ganun katagal na ba ko nag-iisip. Di na lang ako kakain baka ma-late pa ko sa klase ko ng 10am.

    Habang naglalakad sa Pureza nakita ko si Gen, asa likod nya lang ako pero di ko magawang tawagin sya. Natawa ako bigla sa naisip ko, naalala ko yung pinoy henyo na paglalaro nina Avec at Gen. Pinahuhulaan nun “PAPAYA”, pero dahil ang tanong ni renz e meron daw ba nun si Gen at Avec akala nya parte ng katawan ng babae yung word. P*k* pa ang hula. Loko.

    Ayun si Rose Anne at Ness, hinabol si Gen. Di ba ko nakita nung dalawa? Pero ayos lang.. Dirediretso sila sa hagdan, stop over na lang muna ako sa rolling store para di naman ako mukang engot na sumusunod sa mga kaklase ko. Pag-akyat sa 2nd floor wala pa yung tatlo, siguro dumaan pa ng CR. Pagpasok ko sa room nakita ko kagad si Zab, bukas na naman ang bag sa harap nya habang nagpupunas ng pawis, samantalang si Mona busy sa pagpaypay habang nagtetext.

    “Abe marunong ka ba magsuklay?” bungad sakin ni Abie mama. Ngayon lang ako naging conscious na muka na naman akong sabog sa ayos ko. Kung di lang required na mag-uniform di ko titiisin tong puting damit na to. Inaantok pa talaga ko. Sobra. Si Angel natutulog na naman. Naiingit ako, mamaya na lang ako makikipagkwentuhan kina zab iidlip muna ako.

    Habang nakaubob narinig ko me nang-aasar ke Angel, si Thene siguro yun. Kasabay naman ang malakas na tawa ni Iloi pati na din ang pagsigaw ng “Adik!” ni Melody. Di ko na din alam kung ilan oras na nakalipas, pero maingay pa din ang kapaligiran. Narinig kong kumakanta si Maan, at pupusta ako na nasa harap sya ngayon habang kumukumpas ang mga kamay.

    "Tulog na naman si Abe". Dumating na si Issapot, minsan naiisip ko sinuswerte din si Issa e, di sya late ngayon kasi mas late ang prof sa kanya. Pero madalas malas sya, lagi sya nakatambay sa labas ng room kasama nina Em at Aziel. Hinaram ni Janal yung cp ni Issa, me bago daw nilagay si Jayson na scandal sa cp, malamang pyesta na naman yun mamaya. Narinig ko na nag-comment si Ate Joy ng "grabe naman yung lalake", pinapanuod na nila panigurado yung bagong download na palabas. Biglang gumalaw ang upuan sa harap ko, at naramdaman ko me umupo, nakita ko si Jylle sa pagitan ng mga hibla ng buhok ko, wow bagong gupit.

    "Abe kain na tayo". Huh? Kakain na kami? Anu oras na ba? Ilang oras na ba ko nakaunan sa mga braso ko? Saan na naman kaya kami kakain. Sa totoo lang madami naman kainan sa labas, kaw na lang bahala pumili kung kaninong Ate o Kuya ka kakain. Pwede ke ate sa papasok, ke ate sa tabi ng tindahan, ke ate sa bakery o ke kuya na me 2nd floor yung karenderya. It's your choice kung baga. Pero minsan nauumay na talaga ko.

    Pagkatapos kumain, tatambay muna sa labas ng room, at me klase sa 4th floor sa GS building. Pila muna kami sa labas habang iniintay na mawala yung mga estudyante sa room namin. Pinapanood ko si Totz na tinatawag si kuya Racky ng “doogie” at naisip ko buti hindi tinatawag ni kuya racky na “piggy” si Totz at “kitty” si Astrud, kundi para na din silang hayop na combo.

    Dumating na ang grupo nina Joan, magkakasama sila nina Abi Cruz, siguro tumambay na naman sila sa dorm nina Maan. Maliban sa grupo nina Margi grupo nila ang may pinakamalaking myembro sa klase namain. Kaya kung wala ka friends at me group activity, kawawa ka. Malamang isa ka sa mga aasa na sana i-grupo na lang kayo ng prof nyo. Kung me grupo ang mga regular student me clan din naman ang mga irregular. At madalas sila din magkakasama sa grouping. Pero sina Ate Joy at Kuya Ace na mga senior sa klase namin e parang parte na din ng batch namin talaga. 

    Ok uwian na..

    Gabi na naman at naiwan ko na naman ang salamin ko sa bahay. Buti na lang kasama ko sina Janal sa pag-uwi, naisip ko, mababait talaga tong tatlo na to, parepareho kasi ang way nila nina Mona at Zab na pa-Quiapo pero lagi nila ko hinahatid sa me overpass at sinasakay muna bago sila tumawid sa kabilang kalsada. Kaso syempre kasabay na ang kulitan dun, kasi madalas kung hindi ako sisigawan ni Janal na magbayad sa driver e ipapara nya ko ng PUNTA kahit alam nyang BACOOD ang sinasakyan ko. Ngayon ano naman kaya ang gagawin ni Janal. Dumating ang sasakyan. Wala alin man sa dalawa ang nangyari, sa halip hinila ni Janal ang buhok ko pagsakay ko ng jeep. Putek, humanda ka sakin bukas Chuva.

    Mag-isa na naman ako sa bahay. Nakakatamad kumain. Lagi naman ganito buhay ko, kung di ako aalis ng bahay ng tulog pa sina kuya o wala na ko kasama, uuwi naman ako na patay pa ang ilaw sa buong bahay. Ibig sabihn ako na naman mag-isa. Tumunog yung phone ko, si Margi nagtext, kasabay na din dun ang text ni Iloi. Unli na naman. Naisip ko magpaload kagad. Ito na lang ata libangan ko, Magtext sa kaklase. Wala man ako textmate o boyfriend lagi naman ako nakaunli ng 5days at naghihintay ng text sa mga globe user na kaklase ko. Si Zab na lang kukulitin ko, makikipag-englishan na lang ulit ako.

    Narinig ko bigla tumutunog ng matinis ang cp ko.. huh? wala man nagtetext sakin, hawak ko pa din sya pero di umiilaw at patuloy lang sa pagtunog.

    "Anak alas syete na male-late ka na sa interview mo." e? Pagmulat ko ng mata ko nakita ko si Mama sa may pinto ng kwarto ko hinihintay na bumangon ako. Aw.. tatlong taon na nga pala ko tapos sa koliheyo, pero bakit malinaw pa din sa akin ang bawat detalye ng pagiging estudyante ko. Tsk. Me apply nga pala ko ngayon..













    Friday, April 15, 2011

    I am not…


    Sometimes life has a way of moving you..
    To pass thing like wants and hope.
    To feel conquered even the fight is still beginning.
    To loss your faith from something you hold on tightly.

    At some point..
    Belief is gone by being distrusted.
    Courage fades though you can still see a glimpse of light.
    Letting happiness depart because of being shattered by it.

    People may cause these,
    May question me,
    Think of me as they want to be,
    But I will never stop surviving.

    I weep but I refuse to surrender.
    I speak and I mean it.
    I complain but I never break.
    I trust but don’t dupe.
    And I am hopeful but not a sufferer.

    Saturday, February 26, 2011

    I was there once.

    *me riding at an ordinary bus staring outside the window*

    Having this project proposal for my semester requirement obliged me to go back to the place where I met a group consisting of 26 different students. (define different!!)

    It’s been a year and more and whenever I think of what have been made and happened I can’t avoid to be overcast. It might be a little weird (or may be I am really weird) but that place made me find peace in the midst of crowdedness. Delight in the center of commotion. Peace in the peak of fright.

    Those people (technically they were students back then) made the stay worthwhile. I may not be the best sv for that year, but I know I had the best group who contributed a lot to my reservoir of ecstatic remembrance.

    And the air now is making me a little nostalgic. The gust of wind drifts me on to the bygone. The group I handled taught me a lot. I may be the sv for that moment but I know deep inside that I was also a student learning from them, learning from the community, learning from my self. I am an everyday student. And being on a lead won’t stop me from learning.

    I miss them. I miss the group. I miss the undying laughter. The diaries that serve as their area for an unuttered grievances. The food that made our collation like feast. Their superb assistance when it comes to rations. Them being indolent, responsible, diligent, contemptuous. Them who were frightened, who alienate, who I talked privately by their diaries. Them who banter each other but making sure no one's gonna be affronted, their energy that never ceases, the idea that never ends.

    But I know going back there is impossible. Being there again wouldn’t assure perfection as the former. People change. Places change, and even environment. And so do I. But above whatsoever I’m still hoping that they have kept the friendship they cultivated, not for me but for themselves.

    *closes window*









    Friday, February 18, 2011

    Letter for Death.


    Dear Silence,


    It’s been a while since our last relation. And I guess we already figured what we really have.

    You have always kept your words behind your mind and I respected that. You wanted your privacy so I gave you autonomy. Freedom to hush. Freedom to shroud.

    You wanted to take things simply.  You alleviate thought-provoking subject by ignoring the demands. And we set off to that.

    Your absence might made me little meddlesome, but you can nail down that my loyalty is into you.

    But your stillness made me think, have I been distinguished?

    From the time that we’ve been connected your welfare is what I am ALWAYS looking after.
    The time that you did something wayward I took your voice for you not to be in trouble.
    From the day I learned your confidence I took no action for you to keep your mystery.
    You may be flagrant on things that you want but my endurance accepted you unshakably.

    But above all of these have I been valued? Respected? I tried to befriend you but your dumbness makes the refusal apparent. Your peace might not been stirred by my persistence that’s why you never see me.

    I have given the most sincere companionship that I can offer which is discarded. And like what Fortitude have said: I let people go when they walk away from me. My destiny is never tied to anyone who obviously doesn’t need me.

    And like a famous catch phrase: Napakabait ko sayo para gaguhin mo ako.

    And with all of these..


    Your former friend,
    Patience

    Monday, February 14, 2011

    Hot Air Balloon Festival 2011

    Tiring but nice. We need to be there at 4am for us to be able to see how the balloons got inflated. This was my first time, the next I will be riding on one of the balloons. (how i wish!) These are some of the photos  taken that day:


    (Waiting for the balloon to get inflated. I think this was around 4:30-5am)




















    Wednesday, February 9, 2011

    Common Sense

    This was shared to me by my professor. I think everyone should read this and take time to ponder on. 


    An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
    No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
    - Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
    - Why the early bird gets the worm;
    - Life isn't always fair;
    - and Maybe it was my fault.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

    His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

    Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

    It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

    Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

    Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

    Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

    He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
    I Know My Rights
    I Want It Now
    Someone Else Is To Blame
    I'm A Victim

    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

    Friday, February 4, 2011

    Kepler 11

    Astronomers found a new system named Kepler 11. Cool right? Another system. A set of planets revolving around a sun. This system has six planets that orbit a sun-like star located about 2,000 light years from Earth.

    Anyway, what’s cool about this is the fact that there is a possibility that another form of living specie is present on that system or anywhere outside of the big universe. Is there another Earth on that system? How do they call it? If there is, how do they call their river, the sea, and their mountains? Are they also suffering from pollution, from industrialization? Cool. Upon wondering if there’s any form of human being from any of the planets on that system I kept thinking of this American Tale OST line “somewhere outer beneath the pale moonlight, someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight.”

    The thought of having another life on a place light years away from us keep me uttering the word “COOL”. Have you given a thought about it? (as if I’m talking to someone. Lol) Imagining the galaxy, the stars, the nebula, they are spectacles, they are far away from us, that even though we use our entire years trying to know more about them thing would be impossible, and somewhere out of this big universe, lots of galaxy are spread out and at someplace there are people in another planet wondering if there are any living group subsisting aside from them outside on the galaxy where their system belongs to. That along the way, it’s not just merely us who are pondering if there are others breathing on different planet aside from ourselves.

    Million light years. If other living group really exists from any planet today is there a possibility for us to meet them? Or even our grand grand children? Can we go to there place? Can we take pictures of them? How do they look like? Just asking.. That across those million stars is there a place we human can go and live in? Is their planet better than our mother Earth, and like the idea movies imparting to us, is their place the hidden paradise? Just thinking.. Am I making sense here? lol

    (the galaxy where our system belongs to, Milky Way)

    Thursday, February 3, 2011

    A week of isolation, a life of pleasure.

    Friday, Jan. 28, 2011, when the first blister appeared. After two days of guessing what really it was, finally the disease shown its true nature. CHICKEN POX. :p

    A week of hiding. That’s what I thought this disease would be (I still have it, waiting for the scabs to be gone). I have a pending application for a company, and when I woke up this morning, the lady who interviewed me informed me that I’m in for the project. But ouch, how could I get on the training having these covering on my face! Har. (I really want to scratch and take the scabs one by one at this time!) And now I’m thinking, this disease owes me a lot, I was absent for my class last Monday and now I’m going to miss an opportunity to work again. But tracking down my past days for this week, I might say I’m still blessed and lucky to have this 7 day period. Since fever is just coming every night, most of the time I have the leisure to do things I want to. And again I still think.. I’m blessed,
    House season 7.

    Because of this I finally had seen the entire episode of the latest season of house. Hehe. Not really all of the episodes, but the entire episode that my friend downloaded for me. Shocks. I’m so in love with Gregory House! Not really talking about the love that everyone’s smooching to. It’s.. I’m a fan! And I really enjoy watching him, giving his insults as well as his brilliant ideas. He’s a fiction, but I don’t care. For me Gregory House is real! Due to this fever, I didn’t force myself to study, but I forced myself to watch! lol

    A read.

    I think this is a birthday gift for me, but it was handed to me late. But I also read it very late, it’s been a month after I finished a 249 pages book. Haha! I read this one first than Bob Ong’s “Mga Kaibigan ni Mama Susan”, but I finished the latter earlier. Haha. Geez. I felt that this week gave me the time I needed for this book. ;p

    Autoload Max.
    Since I wasn’t allowed to go outside (actually no one told me that I can’t go out, but I guess any person who have this disease would not have the nerve to go outside to flaunt its character) I wasn’t able to communicate my world. Well, still I can, mostly through the internet (thanks to facebook) but my cellphone never really stop working. A friend offered to give me some load, but really really I wasn’t expecting for this amount. 100

    Ferrero Rocher.
    Mama gone outside to see her friend, and after 20 mins she brought this home. Sheep. Who wouldn’t be happy with this? I’m the only person in this house now (since all of my company are out for their business) facing a two dozen of my favorite chocolate. Simple heaven!  ( I notice there's no sign of scabs on my arm. nice)

    Maybe this is not a bad week after all.