I ‘m ok but I am unhappy. I got things I want but I am discontented.
I live but I wander.
Looking for the past months of the year 2012 that I dwelled,
I was able to do things I like, to have things I enjoy; I was able to finished 19
books for the past 6 months (and expecting for more). I was able to do one of the items in my “Things
to do before I die” (which is to climb a mountain). I was able to find cool places,
meet different people, experience something new, and put extra knowledge on my “reservoir
of information”. But still.. I am unhappy, discontented and I wander on
infinity.
I flunk the assessment to continue my learning, I fail to
practice the facts that I gathered; I also wasn’t able to come up to a scratch
for a proficient evolution. I got a single dream but all the ways toward its direction
has been jammed.
I got a dream and I worked hard to shoot that one but no
matter how many prayers I uttered or how many plans I made, until now it seems like
unattainable. Sometimes I have this compassion that God doesn’t hear me. And to
be honest, I, sometimes feel tired on my own life. Let live on saying like “whatever
will be, will be” and “come what may”; to run away and just be slave for no
one; to be mad for everything and control everyone; to change my life and
completely myself; to wish someone wicked and for me just to die. But I got faith.
And in the end of the day I try to revoke the disloyalty that seizing me.
My devotion that God holds my life is in constant tailor,
way for better, and way to a stronger one. I made this entry to remind myself
that God holds my life; though anxiety visits me every now and then I should
not let apprehension kill my vision. Someone is driving my life and He is the all mighty one.
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