Bustle barred

Had a total free day and was able to browse the entire drive of my computer. I was able to see those files again; documents from my student years, songs from my chant hunt, pictures which evinced my freedom.. Well, it’s been useful. I got the drift that there are folders that need to remain and need to be removed.

But aside from that I was up to checked those pictures that I’d took whenever my eyes were seized. Well, I’m not really a photographer, and my camera is not the best one but I still want to capture those panoramas that I know worth keeping for. Here are some of them:

Pictures show what I really love, oh yes! I love the moon, the stars, the light, the sky, the serenity a place could give.. Every time I see these pictures it’s like going back to a simpler place. Quiet. Undisturbed. And Im looking forward to catch more photos alike with them. I love grasping serenity as long as its still there. Even if it’s just a range of vision..

Above all these, I got this acceptance that picture certainly is one of the best driving force for us to believe on our dreams.. No matter how hard, far, high a desire could be, having a mark that it is there, one is given a reason not to stop trusting.. Pictures are proof that things that we want are just around the corner, waiting for us to have them..

menang ♥s ham

Scene: A liitle boy hugging his uncle at the back while the other is busy counting his earned coins.

Ham: Tito bibigyan mo ba ko nyan? *hugging him tightly* Syempre naman! *a few seconds after his first statement, not waiting for his uncle’s answer*

The scene never fails to make me smile, so small, sweet and naïve, and yet so assurer. And the little boy.. My nephew.

After a year I had the chance to go back to my beloved province. MINDORO. I miss being there. The gust of wind that cools my body; the chill it gives is still the same, the boredom that was caused by the serene environment, it never fades. Everything here is just so perfect. So undisturbed. Felt a little gloom upon thinking that I was just there to vote. Well, aside from casting my vote, yearning for that little boy was my other reason to have the decision to be home again.

A year after.. as expected, he gained weight, no.. Gained so much weight! And along with that is his undeniable growth. He stands more that his age. And he thinks more than his age group.

Its just 1 year and I felt everything changed so fast. Too fast.. The boy that I usually nurture can now walk alone, fetching me by himself, assisting me to my needs. (give me water though I don’t need to, look for my slippers when I have tough time finding it alone.)

And upon seeing him I wonder, will I have time with him again? Is he still be willing to fetch me and wait outside my room’s window until I got awake from my afternoon nap? Will he still be excited the next time he heard that ill be coming home? Or like the others, he will be just too busy playing. And weighing those things up make me cheerless. I really don’t want the boy to get older, because honestly, I’m anxious about the idea that the things we usually do together would just be a part of my sweet past. I’m just afraid that after the visit there will be no ham and menang talking anymore.. But I know, thing won’t work that way.. 1 day or more, Ill be facing my fright. Hope its not soon.. not too soon.

BUTTERFLIES

It’s been months without seeing the guy. I thought I’m over with the butterflies rounding inside my stomach every time I have the chance to see him. But it looks like I’m not. Funny it is, but I acted high school again. Not giving him a glance, waiting for him to take the first move, wishing that he would walk nearby just to say “hi!”. But, he doesn’t.. It seems like we were waiting for each other to grab the opportunity to ask how we are doing lately..

Upon lingering, killing time until he got the courage to speak, somebody texted me. And like with the other messages with mysterious sender, I had this hope that it must be him, “maybe its him.. Hope its him.. Please let this be him.” But again, it wasn’t.

Thinking.. Wondering.. Asking.. Does he feel the same way? Is he just flirting around? Or maybe he only got tired on what he has that’s why he had time for me then. Maybe.. Just maybe.. Hope it just a maybe.

Heart’s beating too fast.. While walking got the chance for us to cross paths. Trying to look straight ahead of me, waiting for him to make his step to catch my attention (though he already does), I wasn’t able to control my head to give him a look, then BANG! His eyes were directed on me. And once more, butterfly it was.

Walking for us to go home, we were side by side. I wanted to take little steps, wanting to slower the time, but just like with the others, it didn’t happen. Parting came, and a tap from him made me realized that he was going to leave us.. It’s a bye again.

And at this point, I’m still thinking on what happened. . I can finally admit that he is my crush. Yes he is. But the guy caught only my attention and deserting my emotion. And with the butterflies brought by him?? Certainly, one day, a glimpse from him won’t be a reason for the butterflies to come back. Yes, he can make my heart beat faster, can make me gasp, can make me act like a teen-ager again, but still at the end of the day, he’s not the one I’m wishing to be with.

He’s not the one I would ask to stay a little longer when parting comes. He’s not the one that would make me feel stronger for the passing days that we won’t be able to see each other. He’s not the one that would teach me how to maturely take everything beyond any circumstances. He’s not the one that I could call my knight.. He’s not that one. :)

*funny, after my last word for this entry, he (crush) texted me. FINALLY. ;)*